Stoned. Completely fucked out of my mind, or at least that’s how it appeared in one of my more recent dreams where I took a blunt the size of a twelve inch submarine sandwich, and downed it in my tiny apartment bathroom. Where did this come from?? I haven’t smoked the good stuff in almost 10 years! Why now? Is this my subconscious crying out to let loose? Am I deeply stressed inside?? My mind seems to want to medicate.
Defeated and hairy. Completely shut down by a girl that I haven’t seen since high school, ten years ago, all because my chest was too hairy! This, albeit, another recent dream, has me wondering- what the fuck? Not only do I have no connection to this girl currently, but I barely talked to her ten years ago. Why all of a sudden now is she popping up in my dreams? And what the hell?! Even in my own thoughts I get turned down by pretty blonde girls! And for my chest hair, none-the-less, something that has never bothered me. Is it low self-esteem or a need for immediate change? Should I buy a dime bag, shave my chest, and hunt this girl down??
Yes, my life is in turmoil at the moment. I hate my job and looking for a change, I broke up with a very nice girl because “it just didn’t feel right”, I quit smoking, I lost weight, I’ve made a few new lady friends, and I’ve been drinking like a goddamn fish. I’m spiraling out of control! Or am I? Maybe this is it. Maybe this is living and I’ve just never experienced it. Maybe I’m on the cusp of a utopia so bizarre, that society deems it unacceptable. So what if I want to quit my job. So what if I want to move across the world. So what if I want to drink in excess until the wee hours of the morning. So what if this girl follows me home and I decide to keep her for the next six hours. So what if I want to smoke a monster doobie in my tiny bathroom. I think I’ll do that. All of it. I’ll go down with the ship.